no whining

beware of ur thoughts, they become words.
beware of ur words, they become actions
beware of ur actions, they become habits
beware of ur habits, they become character
beware of ur character, they become destiny

what wise words... was chatting with a fren over MSN, reminding her that her destiny is in her hands, she wasnt happy with the way she is being treated. and i had the cheek to tell her it is her who decides how she wants to be treated. feel it's quite strange to hear this coming from me... i have an irrational fear of my boss.a vicious cycle i t had become, the more she scolds me, the less confident i feel abit myself, the more i dunno how to defend myself, the more lowly she thinks of me and the more she scolds me. i know it's not her, becos she can b the bitch she is, but the problem reali lies with me and my lack of emotional intelligence and self-confidence.

this is killing my spirit, taking away my joy... no it's not worth it, tho i thank God it wun b long before i escape her clutches. but it is true, i shd decide how i want to be treated, and nvr allow anyone to cause me to doubt myself. especially not by someone with no respect with those she works with.

it's always been like this, i feel bad about myself for being a pushover, and hate myself... and hate myself for hating myself... it's become a habit for me, must not let it become my character n destiny.

change is not easy, especially when it's become a habit. it's like walking round n round in a circle for so long that i've left a track very very easy for me to follow. walking with my head looking down at that track n jus following, yet hoping to walk out of this one day. something's got to change, i've got to turn my sight on somewhere else. foolishness is doing the same thing, expecting different results. i've unconciously built a wall to trap myself in, but i shd b able to walk out of it as easily as i walked into it. it's all about managing my thoughts... and letting logic take control, be it an unexplanable fear, and crazy obsession or even jus silly blind infatuation - walking out of it wud only make me stronger.

end of the day, it is me who decides what life i live... and a whiner i shall not become!